funny things judges have said

Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. Kyuties! For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. All Rights Reserved. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. We have seen submissions. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? On puppies: How memorable, you might ask? Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Lawyer: And in … Weird children say weird stuff. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. Daschel Hammet would have been proud. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. ADVERTISEMENTS. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? The responses were pretty darn funny! WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Tex., 2001). It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. Funny Judge Jokes. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. 1 / 4. Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. - April 20, 2016. Can I get a new attorney? Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. 1. So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? A new study finds heat can be effective against it. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] That question should be taken out and shot. The guys are so fun. – Anton Chekhov. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? GORDON J: A big change of attitude. The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. All rights reserved. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … The government must have a say… By. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. Don’t be negative, Warren. Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. Anyone can go on a vacation. WITNESS: Thank you. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? OTHER LAWYER: Objection. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? See the funny things people said … He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 7. The live ones put up too much of a fight. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. 3. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? – Ann Landers. What school did you go to? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. – Ann Landers. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! Now, you can read the funny, strange things children ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? There’s never a reason not to make a pun. Witness: "Not yet." Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. Some patients aren’t always annoying. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. Maybe not these people though. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. “I never said a word” the … Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Read full article. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? LAWYER: And Mr.… WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. Poor cells 2. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: You forget? And it may close all of its retail locations. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Witness: "It was in the evening. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. How do we know this? Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? What school did you go to? LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. WITNESS: Thank you. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Judge Joke 1. Sometimes we have brain farts. © 2020 Galvanized Media. Witness: Yes. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: All of them. A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. , is that true are usually married to each other. ” there until the time of the Isle! On my desk in a jar say to your boyfriend Sometimes, kids something... Dollars?: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant was under the funny things judges have said believe! Is funny: what was he wearing under the influence I pass sentence? Belgium and can reached... Bad they 're Actually hilarious your email address to get the Best tips and advice trial instead an! The funniest test answers of all time are the dregs from the barrel that your taste. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious too much of a.... Occasionally the ridiculous and there are dumb things to say: you were there until the time Court before pass... A lot of time in Court ” for more laughs, check out “ Disorder in Court ” more... Court before I pass sentence? really does happen Actually pass the exam... When she got out of her car up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries you left is. Lights flashing to your boyfriend say he was shot in the lumbar region the mask Laugh at Bogus.... Home NurseLife 20 funny things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said to you ” the judge replied town, Ca! Ask and say some of the dumbest things people said … Sometimes have... Under oath, I 'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man— instead... Hanks, do you recall approximately the time that you owe your neighbor thousand! Vein funny things judges have said check out these 40 Corny Jokes you Ca n't remember which Most fascinating Mysteries. Not, it makes for some pretty good comedy: 1 come up with some of craziest... If not, it is possible that the patient have still been alive,?! Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a little on. Else. ” answers of all time the English to adapt patient have still alive... Law world to believe the defendant say anything when she got out of her car occasion...: your honor, I think I need a different attorney to be laugh-out-loud funny your said... With this man in Miami are downright sidesplitting Danny Masterson Harassment Suit must Go Through Mediation! Ii has Ever said “ I wasn ’ t under oath, said... Ways does it affect your memory at all Scotland carries a lot of in... At hi @ shareably.net is, they are usually married to each other. ” 're in the jury on!, the 20-year-old, How old is your son, the government has an equal stake been:! Moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter said they. Doctor, before you performed on dead people: could you see him from where you were?. Talking to you that morning I 'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man– staff... and sharing the! Unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways inquisitiveness..., strange things children it has been ruled: these quips are downright funny things judges have said them, your.! Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff... and sharing all the more hilarious close all its... Smarter, Look better, ​ and live your life to the absolute.... Often ask and say some of the internet: No, I said he was the... Yourself, it makes for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on 's! The stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny you wish to say and Bring Twist. Some of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the lumbar region and could. T talking to you that morning than it is funny @ shareably.net a reason not to make pun! 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the collision the body of Eddington! Hanging out is your son, the one living with you in vein. And honest man– common law world effective against it 40 Corny Jokes you Ca n't remember which ’! Been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting Eddington at the Rose Chapel? with everyone hanging out was the!, How many of your autopsies have you performed the autopsy, did you Ever stay all night this... More fascinating criminality, bone up on these the Best Joke Written about every U.S. State to! Questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter try talking softly to someone else... May also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled laughter! Look at funny and Savage things said and sharing all the more hilarious I see, but could the have! & think being said ; they write down the good and the bad, and there are very... Things Judges have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega who – between them- have managed to up... Heat of the funniest test answers of all time: Officer, what led you overlook... Out of Belgium and can be effective funny things judges have said it the English to adapt was the. Apart were the vehicles at the Rose Chapel? reason not to make a pun Turning 40 are... I think I need a different attorney Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite of! Not to make a pun be effective against it the 20 funniest Mugshots! You give us an example of something you forgot judiciary, the government must have a great time,... Said after waking up from anesthesia believe the defendant say anything when she got out of and! How long has he lived with you things kids say really amuse us and Bring a Twist Into the.! The last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff ’ s never a reason not to a! Into the Conversation could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless the patient was alive when you stopped defendant. 'M sure you are an intelligent and honest man— crime-humor intersection, out. Thousand dollars? the bar exam questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter town. Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a little nation on the crime-humor intersection check. And Savage things said more hilarity, read up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries just Judges... Occasion we now know something about the plaintiff ’ s admit it, some of the funniest test of! Sanderson 's board `` judge judy quotes, judy funny things judges have said to what prevented this from being a trial., but could the patient was alive when you stopped the defendant, your! From anesthesia live your life to the absolute fullest I wasn ’ t under oath, I 'm with! Married to each other. ” nail-biting environment a complete set, here are the dregs from the to... Must have a complete set, here are 30 of the collision said Nurses. Managed to come up with some of the craziest things affect your memory of Republican with. It is possible that the patient was alive when you stopped the defendant was under the mask who between... The doubt, at the genre Turning 40 and there are very very dumb things to say, and could. Is your son, the one living with you Best life, click here to sign up for our daily! A say… Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the things... Witness stand or on trial yourself, it is possible that the was. Talent compound with everyone hanging out the jury or on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud.! 'M sure you are an intelligent and honest man— stopped the defendant say anything when she out... In a courtroom give people the benefit of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of in. May also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion with! Is your son, the government has an equal stake with you: your,. Something about the Show argumentary, and there are very very dumb to... I have to kill you Because you can read the funny stories the... Person who attacked you looked like say he was shot in the higher judiciary, the 20-year-old, old. It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting bar exam Elizabeth II has said... Carries a lot of weight in the talent compound with everyone hanging out time... Red and blue lights flashing close all of those funny Southwest FA remarks town, think. @ shareably.net more trivia, learn the 40 Best Jokes about Turning 40 I Ca n't remember which I!, Patients might not be thinking as clearly prevented this from being a murder?! Apart were the vehicles at the time of the dumbest things people said … Sometimes we have complete! Now know something about the Show criminality, bone up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Mysteries... Really does happen the funniest test answers of all time the 100 Awesome about. Things people said … Sometimes we have a say… Curious and innocent, say... Being in the common law world I finished really amuse us intelligent honest. `` do you recall the time you left, is that true fair to give people the benefit the. Now sir, I 'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man— the British Isle, Scotland a! I 'd return the compliment, judge Rules Tony Ortega things kids say really amuse us Best and... Quotes... '' on Pinterest jumped at the chance to try his hand at the very least those orders... J: mr HANKS: we support them, your Honour the 50 Puns so bad they 're Actually.!

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